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Thursday, September 21, 2006


Prettidolli was kind enough to define "H.O." for me a while ago since I was using the term more like "HO" leaving out the periods which changes the meaning to something much less glamorous. Her definition is that a H.O. is a HIGHMAINTENANCE OVERACHIEVER, if you have never heard this used in a sentence such as "I am a front line H.O." you are probably quite lost as to what I am speaking about.

TEN COMMANDMENTS OF FRONTLINE H.O.ism according to Prettidolli:

1. Swear to be the best FRONTLINE H.O., giving the cameras all de H.O., and nothing but de non-stop H.O.. So help yuh Jesus/Krishna/Ram & Sita/(Insert deity here) Represent your band and PLAY YOURSELF to de FULLEST!

2. Do your best to make certain you do not look a hot, sweaty, and ghetto mess! That means makeup and all body embellishments should remain intact. Dis ent de backline yuh know....LOL!

3. Do not neglect your section or your admirers under ANY circumstances! They don't make de H.O. but they damn sure can break de H.O.. Be friendly, smile, chat, and oblige de nice folks who are mesmerized by your divadom and fabulousness. Take photos, lime, flirt, hug up de chirren, socialize, LIVE IT UP! It IS Carnival after all!

4. Bless all man jack in de place with a deadly but posh cheesecutter wine when yuh pelting waist. BLESS DEM WID SWEET WAIST!! Yes, I said p-o-s-h. If yuh want dutty wine, stay in de back with Backline Betty and dem... You should be Helen Keller deaf by Ash Wednesday b/c your crystals made plenty noise going, "WHIP WHAP WHIP WHAP!"

5. Pose and smile in style without twisting up yuh body and skinning yuh blasted teeth like a flipping jack-o-lantern. Is February not Obzokee(sp)October... The ideal pose is for the body to be fairly centered with a natural, non-forced smile without the slightest hint of desperation. A true frontline H.O. knows how to make tweet, tweet luuuuv to the camera.

6. On a more serious note, H.O.'s MUST have their hygiene in tact! This means, removal of all unsightly body hair, no visible underarm deodorant, no halitosis, no lipstick/goop on or in teeth, no poorly positioned pantyliners. Believe me, I have seen this and have gone Helen Keller b-l-i-n-d right on Carnival Tuesday. Why play yuhself frowsy in a $1K mas?Allyuh get meh point...

7. Make certain that your band's security can control yuh property. Make a FRIEND in security, it helps! As an ultra, ubersexy, divalicious F.H.O men (and some women) will attempt to rush your band to get more than just a glimpse of you. And why not? The poor souls simply cannot help themselves! IS YOU GYAL IS YOU! This is where security comes in to keep you safe and bum's rush free. Is not just sweet man...vagrants does tief ah wine too yuh know?(Psst! Security can also babysit your stilettos until it's time to cross de Grand Stage.) Check on it.

8.IGNORE DE FRIGGING CUT-EYE. Let's just face it, many do aspire to H.O., but few do achieve. The hateration screw face and cut-eye is alive and well. Meh granny does say that red costumes does decrease de maljo. The Devil is a liar! Don't hate, congratulate, lift, separate...Two snaps, allll of that.

9. Be a Benz, Beemer, not a Pinto screamer. F.H.O's take pride in themselves. Facials, manicures, yoga, gym classes, discipline, nutrition, and exercise are mandatory. If your love handles are dragging on the floor behind you and there are flats in you Michelin tire, de H.O. is NOT for you...Leff de H.O. alone! (Please see appendix for B.M., aka Bullet hole Mampie.)

10. The best F.H.O's have a heart as magnanimous as their Carnival persona. This means respect your fellow masqueraders and other bands while you are on the road. A cussing, swearing jammette does not a F.H.O make! Do not be a pretender to the throne. I tend to buy extra pieces of inexpensive jewelry to give away to de sweet lil' H.O.'s in training who beg for pieces of your costume. I've even given some of my lunches, snacks, and drinks away to the homeless folks who "try a ting" with these overstocked and overloaded bands on de road. Carnival is a time of joy and giving. Do so act like so!


saucydiva said...

Dolli I just HAD to post this, it was too good to leave as just a comment.. I am laughing out loud in work, people must be think I gone mad! Girl, you take win!!!

Hottie Hottie said...

Prettidolli! But you is a ass and a half girl LOL! Snap snap! What about those who pay backlien money but pushing theyself in frontline? It had a girl so in meh section in 2005. When tell yuh! Pushing the section leader out of the way when she see camera and watching me and meh crew cut eye. Well yuh know, is now self I bend meh head in front she and block she with meh feather and dem when she was posing for picture!

Prettidolli said...

H.O.ism by Dolli..FRONTLINE H.O.'S UNITE!!!!

Don't worry Sauce gyul, I gine and PROMOTE you to F.H.O all by meh lil' self! I'll get chu up to speed. You are now meh OFFICIAL pet project yes! LOL!

P.S. I went to Payless 4 allyuh. See the boots post.

warrior like me said...

LMAO!!! Allyuh is Tears yes!!

Good one Prettidolli.

Definitely going to have to put my F.H.O. game face on next year.

saucydiva said...

Well Dolli seeing as Fireman has a backback and no back pack option and I am in the backpack technically I kinda a lil F.H.O. and Warrior Spirit with the large headpiece can also be considered a F.H.O. by default, what yuh think?

Prettidolli said...

What about those who pay backline money but pushing theyself in frontline? Pushing the section leader out of the way when she see camera and watching me and meh crew cut eye. Well yuh know, is now self I bend meh head in front she and block she with meh feather and dem when she was posing for picture!

HOW COULD I FORGET TO MENTION THESE PEOPLE? (Doh worry, I didn't, but wait 4 de manual nah? Ease up..Meh Discount Productions is ah lil' 'tort up operation right now eh? I deh in talks with Warren Buffet. Is BIG TINGS a gwaan!)

Listen a real F.H.O. ent standing fuh this! Doh cuss and get on bad in de people dem nice, exclusive frontline and ting. Boot de b*tch ONE TIME quiccccccck in de head wid yuh Judith Lieber crystal purse. Den RUN GYAL RUN NAH HOTTIE? This move doesn't work for H.O.s in heels....

Dais why it does pay to have friends in Security who ent letting them infringe pon yuh H.O.ness boi. Dem nah having it! Security should have a weakness for yuh H.O. sweetness girlll. Yuh done know.

I did ketch one fass wretch from backline section #95 who thought she was wearing Chanel No.5 this year. I dey posing for Advance Dynamics she and she Parrot Fishing self trying fuh block meh op? Climbing all over the truck like Curious George minus he yellow raincoat in heat? Eh eh she did stay more like Babar. I just waited till she fingers dem were appropriately positioned and yuh gyal tek she body and PRESSSSS BACK wid pose! She jump dong wid nuff bawling screw face. No fuss no muss. No pain no gain. And alllll de time ah dey smiling for de camera like, PUSH, PUSH FIERCCCCE IN YUH MUDDAH CU%T!

And all de time

Anonymous said...

Yeah Saucy, I got the backpack option too. Sooooo I guess that makes us F.H.O. Material. *snaps fingers*

warrior like me said...

Hello! Oh I know Large Headpiece Warrior Spirit is Frontline!!! I had to pay $1200 down!! THAT MAKES IT FRONTLINE.....SH$&!!!

(calm smile) So I know i'll be joining the F.H.O.dom for 2007.

And agree with y'all Saucy, as long as your costume have a little sumthin extra, you qualify!

Prettidolli said...

Well Dolli seeing as Fireman has a backback and no back pack option and I am in the backpack technically I kinda a lil F.H.O. and Warrior Spirit with the large headpiece can also be considered a F.H.O. by default, what yuh think?

As Blaine and Antoine Merriweather from "In Living Color" would say:

Yessss nah Saucy yuh thinking in line wid de H.O.ness. Backpacks and headpieces are BOSS and should be worn at all times. They rule! Why would some one pay and then leave it on the truck? :( I could never understand! Dey bawling it heavy? What in de jail were all of those months of gym for? Sport? Look, don't limit allyuh self to the levelness of de Savannah.... Crosstrain with several fully loaded Bloomie's/Bobbie's/(Insert store here) shopping bags pon yuh back while running up a hill. Yuh tink it sorf? Steel Magnolias ah mash up de place!

saucydiva said...

Warrior is a F.H.O. for 2007 and she did not even know it *dead* !!!!!!!!!!!

Prettidolli said...

Warrior is a F.H.O. for 2007 and she did not even know it *dead* !!!!!!!!!!!

Wuhloss! Like Warrior needs to become a project too oui! She paid frontline $ but thought she was in de back! LOL! Warrior, we don't mean to laff but is jokes girlie! :p

warrior like me said...

Its ok :(
I really did not realize it was frontline until after....ah shame!!

Every once in a while the lil blondness shows its ugly head...LOL

Hey, I'm a novice in F.H.Oism....TEACH ME!! I done printed out the 10 rules and will post them over my bed when I get home. Prettidolli I'll be waiting for my official autographed copy of the manual, and I'm buying a notebook to take notes.
When classes starting??

partyc said...

OMG!!!! My colleagues think that I have lost my mind! Probably because I was laughing so hard after reading this, they heard me all the way down the corridor!

I must say though ... as a former F.H.O., I agree with Dolli 100% with The 10 Commandments of Frontline H.O.ism!!!! Additionally, a true F.H.O. MUST abide by all of the commandments.

I must admit that I am no longer an F.H.O. However, that is only because I am now an I.H.O. (Individual Highmaintenance Overachiever)!

Anonymous said...

I'm printing this out myself. I LOVE IT!!!!


Anonymous said...

How allyuh does keep allyuh makeup in place in dat sun all day long? Saucy girl u really have to send me d contact info for make artists yes. De way allyuh talking like this ting is no joke. This is meh fuss time playing mas.

saucydiva said...


Prettidolli said...

Warrior de webcast starting today! Dais nice yuh post up yuh rules, but don't forget to recite them while crunching and lunging! :)

Party C up in de lime ..Oh gosh........I seen yuh dancing up on de stage in TRIBE DVD gyul. Do yuh damn ting yes!!!

Yes dear, you have graduated and received your degree. So you can help me to co-author Chapter 10 of my manual:

Yuh could get a lil' of de royalties if yuh help me man de stand in de Trincity Mall b/c I have to go help Shandy push me Sno Cone cyart. I does rhelly do de pushing but she does ring de bell.

saucydiva said...

anon I don't go to a make up artist for my Carnival make up, I do it myself.If you need contacts I can hook you up, just send me an email.I don't think I have the time to get to a makeup artist so early in the morning!

However I believe in individual lashes, they make your eyes pop!!!! This year I am going to attempt to do some face jewels, like what Tribe did,normally I will not advise face jewelry because of weird sunburn marks but Fireman has a hat so my face will be shaded.

I love the make up on the one girl in Fireman who is laning against the coconut truck...the red and yellow eye shadow with the facial jewels look hot!

Prettidolli said...

How allyuh does keep allyuh makeup in place in dat sun all day long?

I go tell yuh meh secret yuh nice girl, juss b/c yuh asked. The key is NOT, I repeat NOT to go out with a bare face. IS SUN OUT DEY! YUH WANT IT KILL YUH? Folks does tell meh they going and jam with bare face? Dey MAD? Watch how dem go look when dem 60....

So this is what yuh gyul Dolli does do:

I do J'ouvert so as soon as I come in I wash off all the nonsense off of me. Then I use a Neutrogena lightweight moisturizing sunscreen with a HIGH SPF (45+). Then I spray a VERY HIGH (60+)suncreen all over meh body and ah go and lie dong ah lil' while and let it soak in in an airconditioned room. If AC is not an option, just place yuhself where de most cool breeze does collect in de house.

Then get up later and apply your makeup. Your skin does feel like it has been freshly washed b/c everything done absorb in! To make my cosmetics last, I use PRIMER for damn near everything. I have eyeshadow, mascara, and lipstick primer among other things! THEN apply your regular makeup over the primer. It lasts! All my peeps does ask how de makeup does stay good all day. DAIS HOW! Primers can be purchased at Clinique, Sephora, from any upscale makeup line, and even CVS drugstore
on occassion. And Saucy is right..I too love an eyelash!

As for the crystals, I've never been a victim of de sunburn spot. I guess just use your sunscreen, leh it soak in and then tek yuh time and apply them! Good luck and best wishes 4ur Festival!


Prettidolli said...

(Insert sound of scratched record here..)


Dolli's Disclaimer #1:
This F.H.O. ting is jokes and fun and ting for Saucy's blog eh? I doh want to ketch cutarse from de hardwukking and frustrated men out dey whose ladies are applying de presshah and making them work nuff overtime to help them achieve de two band/two section F.H.O status. Murdah...De men saying tings like, "Dolli yuh facking clucking chickenhead, shut yuh tail!" I doh want no trouble...Mess around and see me broken chicken beak and one set ah chicken feathers dey sprawl all about Frederick St pon Carnival Tuesday. No sah....Ladies enjoy de ting, but doh bruk allyuh man back to do it! Next ting yuh know is de F.H.O. nani strike chronicles...Women who ent putting out cuz' is 2 band mas dey all about! Whey....

Dolli's Disclaimer #2:
If u CANNOT pay your RENT/MORTGAGE/CAR NOTE/AUTO INSURANCE/SCHOOL FEES/UTILITY&CELL PHONE BILLS/MEDICAL&DENTAL DUAL F.H.Oism is not for you! Back dat thang right up and keep it in reverse.

Please and thank u in advance Saucy...

Allyuh I gine and wuk again...leave de building...den gine back and wuk again! Hopefully is stamina to deal wid allyuh next time. Latah sweets!

Anonymous said...

"I have to go help Shandy push me Sno Cone cyart. I does rhelly do de pushing but she does ring de bell. "


amprincess said...

look u have officially left me speechless LOL try & behave dolli u go get plenty people fired LOL

partyc said...

Dolli girl ... let me know when yuh ready to begin Chapter 10. I have plenty ideas ... "Differences between I.M.O., F.M.O. and the backline" ... "Do's and Don'ts of Being An I.M.O." ... "Why Some People Shouldn't Think About Being an I.M.O." ... "How To Get Your Pictures Taken Everywhere Wihout Seeming To Try" ... " ...

And let me know when you're ready for me to mind de stand in Trincity Mall, 'cause this career I have here taking too much time away from reading Saucy's blog! *steups*

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