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Thursday, September 21, 2006

Dolli's Boots Report

The following is a review from prettidolli (if you read my comments you will know this hilarious creature called dolli) who so generously took time out of her day to visit Payless and try the boots I had posted in a previous post.Thanks Dolli you are a real trooper!

So I guess I's de trying orn lady....Yuh gyul Dolli went to Payless fuh allyuh primarily b/c I'm a tramp for Airwalks; I wore them RELIGIOUSLY when I was in High School. Imagine, I dey in de States and Saucy in TNT and know about Payless w/ Airwalks and TJ Maxx, etc. LOL! I love Airwalks, they were a staple of the skater crew and I was so happy to see them upgrade to these stylish boots. They are lightweight and offer nuff foot support so allyuh jammettes can lift up yuh leg, cock back n roll, and do yuh foot pon shoulder ting. And yes, I tried these positions out in de store mirror w/ people watching me. I told 'em I was a dancer...Steups. Like I keh. They come in red, black, tan, and a dirty brown color. The only problem some folks might have is with the lacing as some may not prefer to have their lower legs tie up so. But on the other hand, the Minnetonkas tie allll the way up and folks don't seem to have a problem with that! I've worn Minnetonkas as a pre teen (my first pair were blue)and still do, but they are verrrry flat and don't offer much in terms of foot support and protection. My mother never allowed me to wear them when it was too cold, icy, or if the ground was wet. One HAS to add the soles for stabilization and comfort. Thank heaven for Dr Scholls! I totally believe the story about someone's foot being injured with glass with these on. Please folks, I know they come in all sorts of colors now, but can we reserve them for the Indian mas? ENOUGH ALREADY! Well, is allyuh money....

I also tried on some other calf high and knee high black boots that were comfy but would need plenty of breaking in b4 Carnival to do their job best. They were very similar to the pics of the black boots Saucy posted. So if yuh want cheap, affordable, but not necessaily cheap looking allyuh could hit up Payless. It ent bad in there at all. I myself was shocked! You and a friend could go when they're having the buy one, get one 1/2 off sale and hook each other up!

Star Jones still repping fuh dem? I 4get 2 ask!

BTW, Saucy it is YOUR FAULT that I end up in de people dem store and bought some Airwalk sandals and some other Airwalks with a big black skull and crossbones (oh yeahhh)on the top of de shoe. Send meh somewhey else nah allyuh? Gi'me an EXCUSE to get on bad in de people store eh?

This is an aside but right next to Payless is my favorite place in all mankind outside of ebay. Nordstrom or Bloomies allyuh? NO! Is a store called 99 cent dreams! All meh dreams does come true right in dey yes! It does bring tears tuh meh lil' eyes.........This is Dolli reporting to Saucy live and direct from the parking lot behind the Payless shoe store. Back to you Sauce.


Prettidolli was kind enough to define "H.O." for me a while ago since I was using the term more like "HO" leaving out the periods which changes the meaning to something much less glamorous. Her definition is that a H.O. is a HIGHMAINTENANCE OVERACHIEVER, if you have never heard this used in a sentence such as "I am a front line H.O." you are probably quite lost as to what I am speaking about.

TEN COMMANDMENTS OF FRONTLINE H.O.ism according to Prettidolli:

1. Swear to be the best FRONTLINE H.O., giving the cameras all de H.O., and nothing but de non-stop H.O.. So help yuh Jesus/Krishna/Ram & Sita/(Insert deity here) Represent your band and PLAY YOURSELF to de FULLEST!

2. Do your best to make certain you do not look a hot, sweaty, and ghetto mess! That means makeup and all body embellishments should remain intact. Dis ent de backline yuh know....LOL!

3. Do not neglect your section or your admirers under ANY circumstances! They don't make de H.O. but they damn sure can break de H.O.. Be friendly, smile, chat, and oblige de nice folks who are mesmerized by your divadom and fabulousness. Take photos, lime, flirt, hug up de chirren, socialize, LIVE IT UP! It IS Carnival after all!

4. Bless all man jack in de place with a deadly but posh cheesecutter wine when yuh pelting waist. BLESS DEM WID SWEET WAIST!! Yes, I said p-o-s-h. If yuh want dutty wine, stay in de back with Backline Betty and dem... You should be Helen Keller deaf by Ash Wednesday b/c your crystals made plenty noise going, "WHIP WHAP WHIP WHAP!"

5. Pose and smile in style without twisting up yuh body and skinning yuh blasted teeth like a flipping jack-o-lantern. Is February not Obzokee(sp)October... The ideal pose is for the body to be fairly centered with a natural, non-forced smile without the slightest hint of desperation. A true frontline H.O. knows how to make tweet, tweet luuuuv to the camera.

6. On a more serious note, H.O.'s MUST have their hygiene in tact! This means, removal of all unsightly body hair, no visible underarm deodorant, no halitosis, no lipstick/goop on or in teeth, no poorly positioned pantyliners. Believe me, I have seen this and have gone Helen Keller b-l-i-n-d right on Carnival Tuesday. Why play yuhself frowsy in a $1K mas?Allyuh get meh point...

7. Make certain that your band's security can control yuh property. Make a FRIEND in security, it helps! As an ultra, ubersexy, divalicious F.H.O men (and some women) will attempt to rush your band to get more than just a glimpse of you. And why not? The poor souls simply cannot help themselves! IS YOU GYAL IS YOU! This is where security comes in to keep you safe and bum's rush free. Is not just sweet man...vagrants does tief ah wine too yuh know?(Psst! Security can also babysit your stilettos until it's time to cross de Grand Stage.) Check on it.

8.IGNORE DE FRIGGING CUT-EYE. Let's just face it, many do aspire to H.O., but few do achieve. The hateration screw face and cut-eye is alive and well. Meh granny does say that red costumes does decrease de maljo. The Devil is a liar! Don't hate, congratulate, lift, separate...Two snaps, allll of that.

9. Be a Benz, Beemer, not a Pinto screamer. F.H.O's take pride in themselves. Facials, manicures, yoga, gym classes, discipline, nutrition, and exercise are mandatory. If your love handles are dragging on the floor behind you and there are flats in you Michelin tire, de H.O. is NOT for you...Leff de H.O. alone! (Please see appendix for B.M., aka Bullet hole Mampie.)

10. The best F.H.O's have a heart as magnanimous as their Carnival persona. This means respect your fellow masqueraders and other bands while you are on the road. A cussing, swearing jammette does not a F.H.O make! Do not be a pretender to the throne. I tend to buy extra pieces of inexpensive jewelry to give away to de sweet lil' H.O.'s in training who beg for pieces of your costume. I've even given some of my lunches, snacks, and drinks away to the homeless folks who "try a ting" with these overstocked and overloaded bands on de road. Carnival is a time of joy and giving. Do so act like so!

Pulse 8 is ready for online registration...

Overseas masqueraders who were awaiting online registration with Pulse 8 can now breathe a sigh of relief, however don't exhale so quickly. Once again it seems that our sisters and brothers "across the pond" are being measured by a different yard stick than those living here in Trinidad, as is indicated per Pulse 8's website
Overseas masqueraders are required to pay in full for costumes by Jan 31st 2007

Now, I am quite aware that we usually have until the day of costume pick up to pay off the balance (for those who have not already done so) however it seems as if this is some sort of new trend. Even though I live in Trinidad and for now this is only being taxed on overseas masqueraders, what if in future we are all required to either pay for our costume in full or pay up come the end of January?

By extension I think overseas masqueraders should be afforded the same rights as those in Trinidad and for the life of me I cannot understand why they are being treated as if their money is any different than the average Trinidadian's. If anyone knows why or how these new policies are decided upon feel free to let us all know !

The Enigma of the Two Band H.O.

Prettidolli was kind enough to define "H.O." for me a while ago since I was using the term more like "HO" leaving out the periods which changes the meaning to something much less glamorous. Her definition is that a H.O. is a HIGHMAINTENANCE OVERACHIEVER, if you have never heard this used in a sentence such as "I am a front line H.O." you are probably quite lost as to what I am speaking about.

There is that one creature who defies explanation, wanting to be in the most dramatic costume year after year and regardless of price they would pay anything just to be in front line. I guess leading your section in a fabulous costume, much like the sexy Samba girls at Rio carnival, is the dream of many women, and I dare say also myself since I too wanted to try being a front line H.O. just to see what I was missing by being in the back line. But reality stepped in and I just could not see myself spending all that money on a front line costume when I know I will have just as good a time in my back line costume. I guess I am just not ready or worthy to be called a H.O.

But, there is another creature who is even more bizarre and that is the one who is not just satisfied being a front line H.O. she also wants to be a TWO section H.O. (in the same band) and if that does not take the cake we have the pinnacle of H.O.ness where one becomes a TWO BAND H.O. , patronising two entirely different bands for Carnival. That explains the women I see fully dressed in costume on Monday while I am parading around in booty shorts, wanting to come out "fresh" in my costume on Tuesday.

Now, you probably think I am making all this up, surely no one would pay for two costumes just to wear one for half day on Monday and another on Tuesday especially when it is in the SAME BAND, but trust me, I do not jest. No names will be called but certain persons known to me will indeed be in one section of the same band on Monday and on Tuesday will be in another section in full front line H.O. glory.

And, to add to that I also know of someone who for the first time in 2007 has graduated from a two section H.O. to a two band H.O., come Monday she will be heating it up in the Sahara and on Tuesday she will be shaking her tail to an ole time something.

So, I have been trying to understand this phenomenon of H.O. ness that is seemingly spreading since I am hearing more and more people using the term. The most logical explanation to me for the dual H.O. is that the H.O. cannot make up her mind on a costume so she decides to go with both choices be it in the same Carnival band or two different ones. Therefore the H.O. is living out the fantasy burning deep inside us when we fall in love with one costume only to be teased and tormented by another fabulous costume and we are limited, for whatever reason, to only choosing one.

That leads me to the position that I am in now, toying with the idea of discovering my inner H.O. and channeling my spirit into one costume for Monday and another for Tuesday and I have to tell you the thought of it is quite exciting! The thing is though I am sort of a cheap H.O. which I guess is an oxymoron, so I am devising a scheme to make this possible without having to pay for another costume altogether (it also helps when you have a husband who is NOT playing in the same section as you and has a gorgeous headpiece that I can possibly "borrow" for Monday). Maybe I am not so much cheap, but extremely ingenious!

So if you look sharp, come Monday I will be a unique Warrior and on Tuesday I will be on Fire....but I must ask this question since I cannot be the only one turned on by the idea of wearing two different costumes on both days; If there was a way you could play in two costumes or two bands, would you?

Looks familiar?

So there I was last night looking for masks to wear to the upcoming "Eyes Wide Shut" Halloween party next month when I stumbled upon these at American Plume and Fancy Feather Co. and thought to myself, hey don't these look familiar.........

Feelin the Spirit ......

Doh Jumbie meh!

Hmmmm, inspiration ?
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