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Saturday, May 17, 2008

Question for you masqueraders on Solo Superstardom

Stemming from an ongoing debate over Monday wear on facebook, is this quote:

"once i'm with my friends and we all have a great time that is all that matter's"
For me friends are not necessary to me having an EXCELLENT time on the road, I have even learned over the years that friends can sometimes cause more headache than anything else! As long as I love my costume, drinks keep flowing and music is on point (not to mention the entire road experience should be stress free) I can have a whale of a time all by myself.

Clearly many people do enjoy Carnival more when they are with their crew, so I just wanted to ask of you do you need to be with your friends on the road to fully enjoy the whole experience of Carnival; can you enjoy Carnival as a solo superstar?

And for those who do not recall the rules of being a "Solo Superstar" here they are, courtesy none other than the Super Fabulous "Prettidolli" who is totally missed!

The Rules & Regulations for a SOLO Carnival Superstar according to Prettidolli:

1. Ignore family members and friends who pledge allegiance to other bands besides the one you plan to register with. This also works for those playing in one section who don't agree with the section you have selected for yourself.

2. Register alone for the most FABULOUS costume that tickles your fancy. Walk into the mas camp with your head held high, dearheart! Hold your CC high above your head and cock back and roll if yuh doing yuh ting online. And TELL DEM TELL DEM TELL DEM yuh want ah THONG honayy! Or any other select adornments.....LOL.

3. Work that bod into shape like ah bandit in the upcoming months prior to de Big Show. Get yourself and your accessories in order. Think sexy. Think scandalous. Think BOOTYLICIOUS! Your body is ah temple. Work it like it's the flipping PARTHENON!

4. After you have picked up your costume in TNT, blow raspberries or flip 'em the bird. You know, those same miscreants who insist you have made the wrong decision by not jumping with THEM...In THEIR band. Or THEIR section.

5. Arrive home, try on yuh mas, blow kisses to the love of your life in the mirror, skin yuh teeth, and then practice yuh jump and wave. Jumpandwavejumpupandwavvve...

6. On the big day, dress up in yuh mas and grab a jar of jelly and hand it to the same miscreants who doubted you. Then as they look at you in strange fashion, SNATCH the jar BACK! Tell 'em "I don't think your READY fo' this JELLY." Give two snaps and walk out the door, chile!

7. Meet up with yuh band, JUMP UP, and DRINK UP, and WINE UP and have yuhself ah time. PLAY YUHSELF! You don't have to worry about a crew, just be like Nike and do YOU. Just don't walk off into any ISOLATED areas ALONE. PLEASE DON'T DO THAT!

8. If you are in any TNT band you are bound to meet the following:

a) At least 10 children bystanding (and wining..LOL.)

b) At least 20 women who want to befriend you just so that you can help them adjust their headpiece, tighten/loosen up their beltpiece, straighten up their hair, center their backpiece, fix up their makeup, untangle their stockings before a run sets in, and tell them whether or not they have lipstick on their teeth. You all may want to pose in front of car windows to make certain allyuh are looking propah. Or someting so. Yuh know how we women stay...

c) At least 200 men who are willing to give their EYETEETH just to be in YOUR GAW-GEE-OUS presence. It is easy to remember this one: For the total number of women you meet, just add a zero to that number and this new number signifies the number of men dazzled by your Carnival presence. If you have extra large breast implants, do feel free to add another zero. If you are a F.H.O., add two more zeros. ;)

d) At least two vagrants who want to tief ah wine..And some of yuh choice libations. Nothing is sexier to a vagrant during Carnival time than a female masquerader....Except ah female masquerader WITH BOOZE! :S If ah scruffy man tells yuh to put yuh hand up in de air, he might not have the Carnival spirit, he just might be trying tuh stick yuh for yuh liquor. Sorry to burst your bubble, but ah lie? Don't make yuh Johnnie (Walker) come lately...

e) At least one grandma or grandpa or old uncle who absolutely MUST tell yuh how HOT they were when they were in their ROYAL. Back in the day. A rhel saga boy or jamette. With government names like Errol, Beulah, Olivene, Clement, Imogene, Savitri, Rooplall, or Everett....

9. The good old DJ truck is always ah choice liming spot where you can meet, greet, and lime anytime! Try ANY truck throughout the ENTIRE band. Pick yuh BESS truck, smile, and wink up at the DJ. They like that. It does make them feel sweet. Rhellll sweeeet. This doesn't work if you have a lazy/crossed eye or questionable dentition. The DJ WON'T appreciate THAT!

10. Go MAD. I does well and skip and chook and prance badly throughout de front, middle, and back of meh bhann. BADDD with ah triple D. I doh study ANYBODY. Folks does watch meh right by mehself like meh head GONE, but meh faculties are very much INTACT! If yuh have time to study someone else, yuh WILL NOT, I repeat, WILL NOT enjoy yuh Carnival. You are
So make meh feel PROUD. You do the SAME!

11. Last, but not least, there is always SECURITY. Some of them like de chatting and de attention and ting. Just make certain they don't get FRESH. :o For example, telling you they want to help yuh adjust yuh thong or brassiere or something positively BIZARRE like that!

Leave me a comment, I would love to hear your thoughts on this one!

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