Look out, if you have not been inoculated from it the disease of "H.O. itis" is spreading! I have heard there is a phenomenally marked increased of a demand by masqueraders wanting to be a H.O. for Carnival 2008. We have those wanting to be the simple Frontline H.O. and others foaming at the mouth to be an Individual Frontline H.O.!! It is H.O.ness gone mad. The competition for those select, few spots of H.O. fame has just gotten that much fiercer!
Let me just warn all those suffering from this affliction that they first need to read, study and commit to the 10 commandments of Frontline H.O. ism ,written by none other than the number one H.O. Prettidolli, if they are truly to embrace being a H.O. Secondly, know that H.O.ism does not come cheap so though you may be suffering from the ailment of H.O.itis at the moment a sticker shock of the actual price of the costume might very well cure the sickness and relegate the status to Back line betty. Also, all frontline H.O.s should be prepared to have their down payment ready at a moment's notice, the standard $900.00 is for the "common" folk, H.O.s this year are going to be paying more than $1200.00 as a down payment! H.O.s do not balk at the price, H stands for High Maintenance O stands for Overachiever; do not set a budget for your costume.
A side effect of H.O.itis is the two section H.Oism, but note that two sections do not equal one frontline. While it is admirable that many are now exploring the prospect of playing on one costume on Monday and another on Tuesday the true H.O.s are making sure at least one of those costumes is a frontliner!!
And finally if you have H.O.itis and it has not spread to your friends learn the rules and regulations for a solo Carnival superstar which is indeed what a H.O. is!
Let me just warn all those suffering from this affliction that they first need to read, study and commit to the 10 commandments of Frontline H.O. ism ,written by none other than the number one H.O. Prettidolli, if they are truly to embrace being a H.O. Secondly, know that H.O.ism does not come cheap so though you may be suffering from the ailment of H.O.itis at the moment a sticker shock of the actual price of the costume might very well cure the sickness and relegate the status to Back line betty. Also, all frontline H.O.s should be prepared to have their down payment ready at a moment's notice, the standard $900.00 is for the "common" folk, H.O.s this year are going to be paying more than $1200.00 as a down payment! H.O.s do not balk at the price, H stands for High Maintenance O stands for Overachiever; do not set a budget for your costume.
A side effect of H.O.itis is the two section H.Oism, but note that two sections do not equal one frontline. While it is admirable that many are now exploring the prospect of playing on one costume on Monday and another on Tuesday the true H.O.s are making sure at least one of those costumes is a frontliner!!
And finally if you have H.O.itis and it has not spread to your friends learn the rules and regulations for a solo Carnival superstar which is indeed what a H.O. is!
The Rules & Regulations for a SOLO Carnival Superstar according to Prettidolli:
1. Ignore family members and friends who pledge allegiance to other bands besides the one you plan to register with. This also works for those playing in one section who don't agree with the section you have selected for yourself.
2. Register alone for the most FABULOUS costume that tickles your fancy. Walk into the mas camp with your head held high, dearheart! Hold your CC high above your head and cock back and roll if yuh doing yuh ting online. And TELL DEM TELL DEM TELL DEM yuh want ah THONG honayy! Or any other select adornments.....LOL.
3. Work that bod into shape like ah bandit in the upcoming months prior to de Big Show. Get yourself and your accessories in order. Think sexy. Think scandalous. Think BOOTYLICIOUS! Your body is ah temple. Work it like it's the flipping PARTHENON!
4. After you have picked up your costume in TNT, blow raspberries or flip 'em the bird. You know, those same miscreants who insist you have made the wrong decision by not jumping with THEM...In THEIR band. Or THEIR section.
5. Arrive home, try on yuh mas, blow kisses to the love of your life in the mirror, skin yuh teeth, and then practice yuh jump and wave. Jumpandwavejumpupandwavvve...
6. On the big day, dress up in yuh mas and grab a jar of jelly and hand it to the same miscreants who doubted you. Then as they look at you in strange fashion, SNATCH the jar BACK! Tell 'em "I don't think your READY fo' this JELLY." Give two snaps and walk out the door, chile!
7. Meet up with yuh band, JUMP UP, and DRINK UP, and WINE UP and have yuhself ah time. PLAY YUHSELF! You don't have to worry about a crew, just be like Nike and do YOU. Just don't walk off into any ISOLATED areas ALONE. PLEASE DON'T DO THAT!
8. If you are in any TNT band you are bound to meet the following:
a) At least 10 children bystanding (and wining..LOL.)
b) At least 20 women who want to befriend you just so that you can help them adjust their headpiece, tighten/loosen up their beltpiece, straighten up their hair, center their backpiece, fix up their makeup, untangle their stockings before a run sets in, and tell them whether or not they have lipstick on their teeth. You all may want to pose in front of car windows to make certain allyuh are looking propah. Or someting so. Yuh know how we women stay...
c) At least 200 men who are willing to give their EYETEETH just to be in YOUR GAW-GEE-OUS presence. It is easy to remember this one: For the total number of women you meet, just add a zero to that number and this new number signifies the number of men dazzled by your Carnival presence. If you have extra large breast implants, do feel free to add another zero. If you are a F.H.O., add two more zeros. ;)
d) At least two vagrants who want to tief ah wine..And some of yuh choice libations. Nothing is sexier to a vagrant during Carnival time than a female masquerader....Except ah female masquerader WITH BOOZE! :S If ah scruffy man tells yuh to put yuh hand up in de air, he might not have the Carnival spirit, he just might be trying tuh stick yuh for yuh liquor. Sorry to burst your bubble, but ah lie? Don't make yuh Johnnie (Walker) come lately...
e) At least one grandma or grandpa or old uncle who absolutely MUST tell yuh how HOT they were when they were in their ROYAL. Back in the day. A rhel saga boy or jamette. With government names like Errol, Beulah, Olivene, Clement, Imogene, Savitri, Rooplall, or Everett....
9. The good old DJ truck is always ah choice liming spot where you can meet, greet, and lime anytime! Try ANY truck throughout the ENTIRE band. Pick yuh BESS truck, smile, and wink up at the DJ. They like that. It does make them feel sweet. Rhellll sweeeet. This doesn't work if you have a lazy/crossed eye or questionable dentition. The DJ WON'T appreciate THAT!
10. Go MAD. I does well and skip and chook and prance badly throughout de front, middle, and back of meh bhann. BADDD with ah triple D. I doh study ANYBODY. Folks does watch meh right by mehself like meh head GONE, but meh faculties are very much INTACT! If yuh have time to study someone else, yuh WILL NOT, I repeat, WILL NOT enjoy yuh Carnival. You are
NEVER
EVER
ALONE!
So make meh feel PROUD. You do the SAME!
11. Last, but not least, there is always SECURITY. Some of them like de chatting and de attention and ting. Just make certain they don't get FRESH. :o For example, telling you they want to help yuh adjust yuh thong or brassiere or something positively BIZARRE like that!
Be warned that once you succum to H.O.itis there is no turning back, you shall forever suffer from the desire that only a frontline H.O. costume can suffice.. take it from me!
